I <3 Southwest Airlines
Part 1 - "Poop is food": Professors Gone Wild
Prof Arana: Let's not talk about magic for now...
Prof Arana: You're getting more macho as you take on this stuff.
Prof Arana: That's just too many words to write down. Too many letters.
Prof Arana: Forget all that nonsense! Do it the right way.
Prof Arana: And you wonder why we come out like this after a PhD.
Prof Arana: You learn to feel that you are a moron, which is a good thing to learn at some point.
Prof Arana: So we'll get a PhD in 3 days, then. Starting next week.
Prof Johnson: This is almost starting to sound like a game show.
Prof Johnson: My boyfriend is always doing that. I try to stop him, but I never catch him. He's a physicist.
Random girl: Dumb physicists.
Prof Johnson: Yeah, I know.
Prof Johnson: Poop is food.
Random guy: What's the drinking water supply for Lawrence?
Prof Johnson: The Kansas river.
Random guy: That explains everything.
Guy in the back: So our sewage goes into the Kansas river and they drink it?
Prof Johnson: Yes.
Guy in the back: That's awesome. We're going to make t-shirts.
Prof Johnson: It says, "Don't swim here because there's poop."
Prof Sabates: Which in turn is going to send the message that I need to remove my brain.
Class: (awkward pause)
Tracy: You just said you need to remove your brain.
Prof Sabates: Well, for me that might be a good idea.
Part 2 - "You're just shallow": A Philosophy Conference Interlude
Philo commentator: The issue of the supremacy of Thin Mints aside...
Philo presenter: I was a philosophical couch potato. Just philosophically going up the stairs wore me down.
Philo presenter: And if we're going to gesture, let them be explicit gestures.
Philo presenter: You're not wrong, just shallow!
Philo presenter: Even if those counterarguments don't go through, neener, neener, neener.
Part 3 - "Your tax dollars at work": I Heart Southwest Air
Pilot: If you guys on the right look out, we have a rare treat for you today: one of those F-117 stealth fighters they're using to defend our country.
(passengers on the right all look)
Pilot: Of course, to prove that your tax dollars are at work, he has the stealth technology turned on, so you probably won't be able to see him.
Pilot: This is a no smoking, no whining, no bothering the flight attendants flight. If you violate that, we will give you one verbal warning. After that, we'll make you sit out on the wing for the duration of the flight - or as long as you can hang on.
Pilot: Be warned, if you come out of the lavatory and we smell smoke on you, we will assume it's you that's on fire and we WILL go for the fire extinguisher.
Pilot: You have a life vest - though I'm not sure why you'd use it, flying to Kansas City...
Pilot: For all our young aviators on board, this is the point in the flight where we make a lot of noise and go real, real fast.
Pilot: Be sure that your carry-on items are stowed securely under the seat in front of you so that you have absolutely no place to put your feet.
Pilot: As you well know, Southwest Airlines has some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this plane.
Pilot: When I turn off the "fasten seatbelts" sign, that will be your cue to pick up your carry-on items, jump out into the center aisle, and go absolutely noplace.
Pilot: You may now turn on your cell phones and pagers, but if you have a pager, get with the 21st century! Get a cell phone!