Monday, February 26, 2007

Feb 25, 2007

Zach: Kansas has its own unique, flat... redundant beauty.

Amanda: You have to be careful with those. If I had bought one, I might have saved my last marriage, which shouldn’t be saved.
Matt (quoting Amanda, in reference to her last marriage): “This sucks, but…”

Niki: It’s an entire zoo in your pants.

Amanda: Don’t use your sex toy for calf pain!

Amanda, about Katie’s phone: It’s like the Satan phone!

Zach: They hide the ones that are like five feet long and go around like this: (flails arm around)

Jessie: We’re so cool, we have our own STD.
Niki: Yeah, but it’s an STD that gets you out of speeding tickets.

Amanda: I have to go to the bathroom... I need to check for diplomatic immunity.

Amanda: Matt. Razor blades in apples. Urban myth or fact?
Matt: Urban myth.
Amanda: That’s his job. (pauses) He puts razor blades in apples.
Matt: Actually, I got fired for that.

Arana for the win

Sarah's logic professor is a veritable gold mine of quotable goodness.

Prof Arana: It could be a name for "Chetina", the not very common German name I just made up.

Joe, to Prof Arana: The department needs to adopt a Kuwaiti boy, is that what you're saying?

Prof Arana: Making babies really pays off in this state.

Prof Arana: So let those endophins rush. This is what makes it all worthwhile. This is like the national championship. (after proving ∀x[T(x) -> L(x)] -> [∀xT(x) -> ∀xL(x)])

Prof Arana: I'm smoking hot, guys. This is very physical logic we're doing here.

Prof Arana: "c" disappears in a poof of smoke, and you ought to make a sort of "poof" sound.

Prof Arana: Now you go back to plain, boring, ordinary life where you don't have a funny name for that object.

Prof Arana: So that's a pretty exciting proof, yeah, exciting in the way Baywatch is exciting... not very exciting.

Prof Arana: So let's do another proof that's a little more... seductive.

Prof Arana: Up until now we've been just sort of grazing in the grass.

Prof Arana: (giggles) You just wrote "ass" on the board.

Prof Arana: There are no insights here. That's good. We don't want insight.

Prof Arana: Give me a keg of beer.

Prof Arana: c is the sad set... real sad. It ruined a man's life.

Prof Arana: It's metafun. Is metafun fun?

Prof Arana: The academic life is like that - long walks on the beach, a bit of logic romance...

Prof Arana: If I give you three cookies and two pencils, which is more?
500-level logic class: (total silence)

Prof Arana: I'm a Yankee by birth, rebel by choice, Southerner by the grace of God.

Monday, February 12, 2007

question for you all to consider

Sarah: Do you have any idea how long it would take to swim across a lake of melted cheese that stretched from Denver to the middle of Illinois?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I want a PhD in Fun!

Zach: I'm on the leading edge of pesto science. I have a minor in apple butter.

Zach: You know what I really like?
Niki and Sarah, in unison: Pickles?

Zach: Since my car is... a bicycle, and it's parked over here.

University of Fun
PhD Course Catalog

Core Curriculum
LP 101 Pie: An Overview
LP 104 The Art of Setting Things on Fire
HD 101 Bad Puns
WA 101 Looking Busy
RD 101 Poking Things With a Stick

Leisure Pursuits
LP 102 Hitting a Ball With a Stick
LP 103 The Art of Button-Mashing
LP 110 YouTube for Fun and Profit
LP 111 Oh My God, Shoes
LP 214 Pointless Road Trips
LP 221 Rolling Down Hills
LP 230 Finding and Enjoying Bad Fanfic
LP 255 Peace, Love, Unity, Respect
LP 271 Interactive Film-Watching
LP 272 Advanced Culinary Appreciation
LP 299 Finding the Clitoris
LP Practicum: Psychotropic Drugs
LP Practicum: Kama Sutra

Department of Humor Development Department
HD 103 Sarcasm and You
HD 105 Light Bulb Jokes
HD 106 Monty Python Seminar
HD 110 Laughing at Yourself
HD 201 The 80s: WTF?
HD 210 Annoying the General Public
HD 255 The Comic Potential of Drunk Friends
HD 265 Transvestism in Humour
HD 290 Dirty Jokes
HD Practicum: Stupid Human Tricks
HD Practicum: Flash Mobs

Work Avoidance Strategies
WA 102 Not Caring
WA 103 Extreme Napping
WA 104 Introduction to Malingering
WA 105 Procrastinating With Buffalo
WA 206 Wikipedia is Really Work
WA 208 Online Gaming as a "Life Substitute"
WA Practicum: Creative Excuses
WA Practicum: Becoming a Medical Test Subject

Research and Development
RD 112 Inciting Riots
RD 124 Live Action Role Playing
RD 127 Homemade Sporting Equipment
RD 207 Internet Drama Provocation
RD 270 Studies in Havoc-Causing
RD 297 Game Creation: The MacGyver Method
RD Practicum: Food Experiments (legal waiver required)
RD Practicum: Animating Inanimate Objects