Monday, May 29, 2006

Leota's Summer Fun

From The Golden Girls:
Blanche: But girls, I don't care if my brother's gay...but why does he have to date men? Aren't there some homosexuals that date women?
Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians!

Rose: And then there was the time that Emily Vonheferfefen went to Mexico and brought back a dog. She nursed it back to health, snuggled with it before going to bed...even let it eat off the table with her. Well, one day she took it to the vet and told her that she had made a terrible mistake...it turned out to be a rat.
Blanche: What does that have to do with Miles being in the witness protection program?
Rose: I've been dating a rat!
Sophia: I've done worse. One year for Dorothy's birthday I made a huge feast out of what I thought was chicken but it was...
Dorothy: MA!

Back to the real world...
Leota's Mom: What do I say to your brother to tell him we're not going to the wedding?
Leota: That we're not going to the wedding?

Mom: You know...some times I just don't know about that girl.
Leota: Yeah...she's five crayons short of a six crayon box.
Mom: Wait...what, my mind didn't comprehend that.
Leota: I stand by and now expand my metaphor.

Leota: I'm thirsty.
Mom: What?
Leota: I'm thirsty.
Mom: What?
Leota: Thirsty...
Mom: What?
Leota: Nevermind...forget about it.
Mom:...well I'm tired too but...
Leota: Wait...what? I don't...what?
Mom, after a couple minutes:...Oh...thirsty.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pagans for Pancakes

Girl behind us at IHOP: And she called me a devil-worshipper! Can you believe that? I saw her sister, and I wanted to go up to her and say, "Hey, you look really familiar... you look a lot like someone who called me a devil-worshipper! Do you have a sister?"

Drunk guy next to us at IHOP: I am going to Hell. If I'm not going to hell, nobody is. I have done more evil than you, in your young lives, could imagine...

Katie: Fish that other fish fish for in turn fish for fish that other fish fish for.

Everyone: Fishie fishie fish fish fish fish!

Niki: So what's this about Dr. Davy and his dangling participle?

Friday, May 05, 2006

happiness is...

Linus (Dennis) - Happiness is having a lover. (real words: having a sister)
Lucy (Lauren) - Sharing a moment. (sharing a sandwich)
Both - Getting along.

Charlie Brown (Nick) - I want to jump up and down with some joy! *laughs* OK?! No?

Ty Woo - Just go out there and be crazy, bitches.
Liz - Should I say that in my song?
Ty Woo - "Some philosophers say..."
Liz - "Get crazy, bitches!"

Stevie - So the moral here is girls who hump trees get raped--by androids.

Scott Hansen - ...or a potato. You put a couple of diods in a potato and you can light a lightbulb. Should you so choose to light a show that way.