Thursday, April 27, 2006

Professor Wilson (so imagine it said in a Scottish accent): An "affect" would be when I return your papers to you and you see the "F" at the top, and you murder me in your rage. A "passion" is more like when you get your papers back and you see the "F" and you take it home and fester over it, start showing up at my house at night, find out my phone number and keep calling me and hanging up, call up the Board of Regents, tell them I'm a devil worshipper and I'm sacrificing babies to Satan...
Chris G: Should we be worried?

When I hear "Rhubarb," I always think of my grandpa. That's because his name was Reuben.
Sarah: Your grandfather was a sandwich?
Lauren: With sauerkraut?
Zach: Your grandfather sounds delicious.
Brad: He was a pastor.
Sarah: Pastor Sandwich?
Zach: Was he pastor-ized?
Sarah: This is going down the road of no return.
Brad: My grandpa was a pasteurized sandwich.

Lauren: I'm not a cork, you cannot screw me.

Derek: We're going to start on cloning now.
Lauren: So you might feel a little prick.

Derek: Which means you'll be digging in his pocket for things to eat.

Brad: Zach just screwed me in the ass.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I can't remember all their names!

Lucy (Lauren) - 38, 39, 40, HA!
Shroder (what's-his-name) - And off they ra--
Ty Woo - Let's go back.
Lauren - But I counted correctly this time!
Everyone - *makes fun of Lauren's counting*
Lauren - I'm an actor, damnit!

Ty Woo - I AM a pretty princess, what?!

Ty Woo to Patty and Marcy about the kazoos - It's like we made out! See, cause I tried them earlier...

Niki - I smell pizza. Shelby was wrong, the pizza didn't smell like sex, sex smells like pizza!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Don't you use a spatula to scrape things?

Cien: Chad...there's a Leota on our couch. Make it go away.
Chad: We could just dust it off with a dry spatula.

Monday, April 24, 2006

you're a good man, Charlie Brown

Lucy (Lauren) - To enable me to know myself. Shit-ton of lines.
Myron - And there's a light cue on every one of them, Lucy.
Lucy (Lauren) - *look of impending barbarian rage*

Marcy(Andrea) to Charlie Brown (Nick) - There's no crying in baseball! Ppthththtt! *soaks Nick* *exits up right* *turns back as she leaves* Pussy! *Nick just looks at his hands in confusion and disgust*

Niki - How many of there are there in you...what the crap did I just say?!

Dr. Davy: 15--Let's have another 5 in there. Good Dr. Davy, you can write a numeral.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Oh Thank God It Was Only My Shoes

Barbara (to Cien): So, are you a Chriccamor like Leota?
Shelby: No, he's a Hellenic Polytheist.
Chad: He worships Helen and Polly.
Shelby: ...the Theists.
Barbara: (Milk out her nose and all over the floor.) (And she could've died...nya)

Cien: Jesus Christ on a bike, those cookies made me gain five pounds.
Chad: (Milk out his nose and all over the floor and Shelby.)
Cien: Oh, thank God, it was only my shoes.

Barbara: A week and a half, a week and a half, aweekandahalf, aweekandahalf.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Mounikhia plans

Sarah: If we're going to invite the marching band... I'm going to need more fish.

Luke, in a text message to Cien: R u able to have of call u now? I was at the store
Sarah: Wow. 5 points from Hufflepuff!

Cien, singing: Here! Comes! The PO-O-O-O-PE! Here! The POPE! The POPE!

Friday, April 14, 2006

I think his favorite is Titus Andronicus

Dr. Davy: There's the theory that he was the secret Duke of...Whippidy Doo.

Dr. Davy: Whippidy Doo is a county just to the Southwest of Horchester.
Kurt: Seriously?

Dr. Davy: Both the extra credit plays are quite lurid. Oh, they're delicious. They need parental guidance. So check with your parents first and proceed with caution.

Dr. Davy: You're going to die! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Dr. Davy: I've always thought we should do Measure for Measure back-to-back with Oleana. With the same actor playing both parts. But maybe I'm just of a disturbed mind.

Monday, April 10, 2006

After a month absence...

*Aakeroy starts telling his "life story"*
Aakeroy: Oh...I'm only doing this because we're ahead.

Aakeroy: I knew nothing, like you do offense.

Aakeroy: He was staring at one math equation that was very close to negative infinity for four years.
Some girl: Wow...
Aakeroy: Yes, wow...what the hell was he thinking?

Aakeroy: How many guys would only pee in a bottle for 12 months, no where else? one, see?
*Two guys raise their hands*

Aakeroy: The best part is that the guys who did it couldn't pee without the bottle afterwards.

Aakeroy: How would you detect hormone levels in rabbits? Come on, what are rabbits known for?
Some guy: Making love?
Aakeroy: Well...that's a sweet way to put it...sweet rabbit love...well anyway, he had to test this rabbit' do I put it...horniness...with a hand puppet. Eventually this rabbit learned and would fly across this room at this guy holding a rabbit hand puppet.

Jordan: Ladybug sex, yay! Just a little better than rabbits.

Aakeroy: If you can't figure out new fuel'll face a cold, cold future. I don't have to worry about it, I'll be dead...but you...

Aakeroy: Our world would be great without oxygen, there would be no rust...of course it would be a bit akward to live.

Aakeroy: When all those bad boys and girls come back from spring break feeling poorly from disease...upset stomachs of course...

Dr. Pattel (substitute professor from Chem. I): Oh well, if I mess this equipment up I'll just blame it on Aakeroy...they'll believe me.

Leota, to Amber: Stick with me, you'll meet all sorts of lesbians.
Amber: Wait...what?
Leota: I don't know, most of my closest friends have seem to be girls who were bi or lesbian...I'm a lesbian magnent!
Sarah: It's the lip's a lesbian-attracting lip ring!

Barbara: Leota, it's a record! I've gone to three classes in one day!

Leota: Barbara...I don't want to go to class!
*Sarah walks up*
Leota:...okay...the world doesn't want me to go to class.
*Amber walks up*
Leota: Yay! Fate doesn't want me to go to class!

Guy sitting behind Leota: You can make anything sound sexy..."I want to hydrolize your starch granuals."
Other guy:'ve been in grain science way too long.

Aakeroy: When we die we typically stop breathing...

Aakeroy: Well there was this do all know what a coastline is, right?

Aakeroy: So these scientists wait...borrowed...

Aakeroy: I need a volunteer...
*Guy raises his hand*
Aakeroy: To run into a wall going 4,000 mi/s.
*Guy slams his hand down*
Aakeroy: Now imagine us trying to calculate how you could run into it and change into new would be a bloody mess!...litterally...

Aakeroy: I'm not advocating either, I'm just saying that the problems have to be solved or we'll all die.

Leota: We saved the world!
Jordan: Or...we'll blow it up...


Shelby: Dude, I have a TV!

Shelby: Leota! Make the internet work!
Leota: Accio Internet! (Page comes up)

Leota: Origami is Chinese knitting.

Monday, April 03, 2006

and my handwritting's worse

If you think chemistry teachers are funny, try history of theatre.

Dr Davy: And it just spilled out into the street like, well I've never been there because I'm too afraid, but what I can imagine Aggieville is like at 2am on the weekend. All this spillage.

Dr Davy: Maybe I can write a ledgible "N". That "N" looks like it belongs in Aggieville at 2 in the morning.

Dr. Davy: That "9" shares DNA with the "N".

Dr. Davy: I'm putting that "R" in a straight jacket so it'll hold still and behave for you.

Kurt: Excuse me Dr. Davy, I can't read that.
Dr. Davy: It's the Bha--well I can't read it either.

Dr. Davy: What would Seinfield do if Death came to him?

Dr. Davy, about Italian Renaissance playwriting: It was written mostly by college professors, so it stunk.

It's really hard to catch all the funny stuff he says, he says things in such weird ways I'm never quite sure I heard the sentence correctly.

your weenis is showing

Brad: I've kissed Katie by proxy.
Everyone: *gasp* You've (I've) kissed Derek by proxy!

Zach, about Brad: His weenis is huge.