Monday, March 27, 2006

Say No To Drugs

Shelby:Do you have money?
Chad: Yes.
Shelby: Would you go buy me some more Tylenol?
Chad: So you want me to buy you drugs?
Shelby: No...Tylenol isn't a drug.
Chad: Yes it is...Tylenol is a substance other then food or water that alters your state of being.
Shelby: Nuh Uh...it just makes me feel better.

Chad: What color do you want to be?
Shelby: Make me a sick color.
Chad: Green.
Shelby: Green isn't a sick color.
Chad: Puce.
Shelby: Puce is a sick color.
Chad: Puce is green.
Shelby: Nuh Uh, they are two different colors. Ask Crayola.

Shelby: You didn't make me Puce

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Zach sucks at Life

Derek: I wish the world was made entirely of shrimp.

Sarah, about Zach: It looks like he's going to stay there all night.
Derek: Between your legs?

Zach, pointing a corkscrew at Sarah: Bzzzt! Oh, it's not a phaser.

Niki: They're like Cheetos, only shrimpy.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cien, about Chelby: You're not as smart as each other.

Cien, about Zach: You're like a Nordic Track.

Sarah: Death is happening, oh my God.

Sarah: All the first things to happen on my bed shall be mine. The first murder, the first sex...

Brad: That cake was disgusting....disgustingly yummy.

Shelby: What's the definition of a tickling fetish?
Cien: When you get turned on -
Shelby: Not you!!!!!!!!

Shelby: This is so interesting watching gay foreplay. It's like watching the National Geographic Channel.

Shelby: So, when two gay guys get together, they form a Wookie?

Cien: We should be a circus.

Chad: So, Brad, how much oil-wrestling have you done?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Three days of Aakeroy = 3 times the funnies!

Aakeroy: If I could apply a blow torch to the feet of all of you right now there would be movement. It would be a spontaneous reaction and there would be disorder and randomness...you'd all by running around thinking, "What the hell is he doing?!"

Aakeroy, making people act like vibrating molecules: That's why I didn't want to do this...it makes you look bloody rediculous.

Aakeroy: Perfect order is like heaven or nirvana for molecules. There is no perfect order, so therefore there is no heaven or nirvana.
Jordan: Wow...he just disproved heaven and nirvana with chemistry...

Aakeroy: What do I think about that answer?...bullshit.

Aakeroy, making the molecule imitating people stand up again: I really need you, you know...I'm not trying to humiliate you.
Guy rotating, being sarcastic: Sure...I understand.

Aakeroy: Like two Siamese...conjoined...er...twins...you know what I mean...two people stuck together.
*Everyone laughs*
Aakeroy: Remember, what's said in Chem. II, stays in Chem. II.
Jordan and Leota: Oops...

Aakeroy: I like giving you these questions, because you see them and freak out.

Aakeroy: Last year I almost shouted some bad word at this girl whose phone rang in the middle of class. Some people thought that I actually shouted the word, so the next day the dean called me and told me not to yell the "f-word" when someone answers the phone.

Aakeroy: If engineers controlled the would, we should have really efficient candles, nothing else.

Aakeroy: How do you spell "ger?" (pronounced "grrr")

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Opera cast party

Dr. Pittman (to Nick): If you show me your weenis, I'll show you mine.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Ah, what a night

Shelby: :O He just took Milk Duds out of his pants!

Leota: You know, I was thinking over here on my side of the room. This whole "insert object here Ah" actually seems to work. So I was thinking...what if I walk down the street going, "Boyfriend...ah!"

Chad: So then one day you'll be walking down the street saying that, and you'll be like, "Boyfriend, ah!"
Leota: And then I'll find a guy going, "Girlfriend, ah!"

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

What we learned in Chem. II today: The universe is like the mafia.

Aakeroy: I did not hear that.
Class: Seven.
Aakeroy: I still did not hear that.
Class: SEVEN!
Aakeroy: I didn't hear that.
4 people whispering half-heartedly (the rest of us had given up): Seven...
Aakeroy: Right, seven!

Aakeroy: Imagine if there was no weather, what would you talk about if you casually bump into someone? Your social life would go to hell...unless you can somehow get over that activation energy and set off a rather interesting reaction...well...but that's another chapter.

Aakeroy: So...does anyone have an egg?
Class:...N...n...no...what?
Aakeroy: Well, there's 200 people in here...someone could have brought an egg.
*someone in the front threw a plastic egg onto the front table and it rolled off and broke in two*
Aakeroy: Brillant, something at least breakable...wait...it is an egg!

Aakeroy: Who here has broken their leg?
*Several people raise their hands*
Aakeroy: Yesterday?
*All the hands go down*
Aakeroy: No one?...

Aakeroy: According to the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics our legs shouldn't exist.

Aakeroy: The universe is just waiting to break your legs.

Leota: I feel like I'm in Chemistry Philosophy...