Tuesday, February 28, 2006

IT'S MARDI GRAS!!!!!

Leota: I just need a stuffed animal I don't care about so I can stab it.
Shelby: That's horrible...
Leota: ...And yet you laugh...

Shelby: Yeah, it's Mardi Gras!
Leota: (To her mom on the phone) I'm just expecting her to flash me. I have beads!
Leota's Mom: That's so not what I thought you meant.
Leota: ...That was what I meant.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Water+Sodium=Bad

Aakeroy: So...we have no idea what we're doing...adding water can't hurt...unless it's sodium...

Some girl: So...you're an Aakeroy fangirl?...
Leota: That is what was determined.
Some girl: So...how many fangirls are there?
Leota: Well...wait...there's...I walk a lonely road...

Saturday, February 25, 2006

The Hypnotist Guy

So, Chad and I went to see this hypnotist guy today, and we just wanted to share some of the funnier moments.

*He instructed them all to think of their favorite pet and imagine it in front of them. These were the results.

Dale: What do you have there?
Havanah: *Holding out her hands and playing with something in them.* This is my dolphin.
Dale: A dolphin? Wow. What kind of dolphin is that?
Havanah: A goldfish.

Dale: Ben, what are you doing?
Ben: Playing with my alligator. I'm touching his teeth because they're really sharp.
Dale: How many teeth does he have?
Ben: 36 on the bottom and 24 on the top, I counted them twice.
Havanah: *Randomly kicks the air where Ben is petting*
Dale: What did you do that for?
Havanah: He was trying to eat my dolphin.
Ben: I FED HIM TODAY!!!
Michael (who at this point was convinced he was a girl named Princess): My rhino would SO kick his alligator's ass...


*Every time he said "Shut Up," everyone would yell "No, you shut up!" to a little Barney doll, convinced he was the one that said it.

Dale: Ben, what's wrong?
Ben: *Looking really upset* He told me to shut up! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND, BARNEY!!!

Dale: Michael, you look really upset, what happened?
Michael: He told me to shut up...son of a bitch...


*He convinced these two guys that they were going to have babies when he said the word "Baby." These two girls were going to help them deliver the babies. So these guys were on the ground screaming profanities and acting like they were having a baby.

Dale: Michael, what is that?
Michael: It's a baby!
Dale: Is it yours?
Michael: Yeah.
Dale: Is it a boy or a girl?
Michael: It's a boy.
Dale: What's his name?
Michael: I don't know...
Dale: I'll come back later, you figure it out while I'm gone.

Dale: Dustin, what is that?
Dustin: It's a baby...
Dale: Is it yours?
Dustin: Yeah.
Dale: What is it? A boy or a girl?
Dustin: It's a big baby boy.
Dale: What's his name?
Dustin: Dustin.
Dale: So you won't forget your baby's name, right?

Dale: So Michael, what did you name your baby?
Michael: ..........Carl...


If you guys ever get a chance to see someone get hypnotized, DO IT. It's friggin hilarious.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

confused-ish

Lauren: grrr. . . I mean. . . grrr

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Big Ass Cup of Cheese

Leota: *Walks in carrying a cup of cheese without saying a word*
Shelby: What's wrong!?

Perhaps this needs some explanation. Let's just say this...the next time you're upset or stressed out, eat an 8 oz. cup of shredded cheese. Trust me, you'll feel lots better.

1337 Ninja Skillz

Shelby: There's no 'L' in both!
Leota: There is in Kansas!
Chad: You're allowed to have an 'L' in Kansas...Ku Klux Klansas.

Leota: So I'm your 1337 ninja master...can you call me sensei and can I call you grasshopper?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Too Often Said...

You know, we realized recently that there are a lot of things that we say that are funny but too often said to be repeated on the quote page every five minutes. The solution: Roll them all into one.

Shelby (to Chad as he bangs his head on wall/desk/table/etc.): They don't give kittens to people with bashed in heads!

Everyone: *Insert object here* Ah!

Chad & Shelby: I ate my battleship!!!!

Everyone: You broke *insert name of broken person here*.

Shelby, Chad, & Leota: CRUCIO!!! *smack*

Shelby (after getting into her loft): Shit..........Leoooooooota!!!!!
Leota: Sheeeeeeeelby.....
Shelby: Will you get my *insert forgotten object here* and hand it to me?

All within a span of 3 minutes...

Shelby: RAPE!...no wait...FIRE!

Shelby:...I'll grab your ass...
Chad: FIRE!

Chad: All you have to grab it once and I'll leave you alone.

Chad: The sooner you grab it, the sooner you can do your homework...you know you want to.

Chad: If you love me, you'll grab it.

Shelby: FIRE!
Chad: It'll all be over soon...

We Must Infiltrate This So-Called "Mormon Camp"

Shelby: Leota, when you type 30, you don't use a little "o".
Leota: I know, but when you type it, they both look...wait, what?

Things You Learn at Mormon Camp
*Chain Mail
*Superhuman powers (for that planet you will later rule)
*Anti-Ninja skills (sorry Leota)
*Speed Raping (polygamy)
*Mad duck-tape skills (yes, I know it's actually "duct-tape", but this sounds cooler)
*Planet-Making 101

Shelby: How do you spell "polygamy?"
Chad: Poly - gamy.
Shelby: Poly-gamy...I get it now!!!

Chad: So am I the only one in AURA with superhuman powers?
Leota: Well, I have Super Ninja Skills.
Chad: Yeah, but I have Anti-Ninja skills.
Leota: So we cancel each other out.
Chad: Actually, I cancel you out. But you have nothing on me.
Leota: ...Nothing power-wise...

Leota: So which country has cuter guys? England or France.
Shelby: Think about it this way...Actors. There are more English actors than French actors, and they only let hot people act, so therefore, England is the way to go. *Complete silence, followed by "brain-all-brokey" noises from Chad.*

Once again, the infamous, Aakeroy

Aakeroy: This is a kidney stone......you'll all be glad to know that it isn't to scale.

Aakeroy: I haven't been completely truthfull...actually my little white lie has been a big, fat lie all along.

Aakeroy: At least 20 or 3o of you will have kidney stones and you'll remember this lecture as you're rollong around throwing up in agony.

*whimper*

We just spent the last half hour trying to log onto this thing, and now we can't remember the funny things we said.

Lauren- Lifting heavy things is what guys and lesbians were made for.

Lauren- I can't blow it., Wait I can blow it.


Derek making various whimmpering noises ( after being ticklerd by girlfriend, Katie)

Lauren- help me I'm confued by my pants.

Katie- yay I hurt him! (after hitting Derek)

Niki - I save that stuff to my hard-drive.
Derek - I used to too, but it got too full once.

Derek - Just leave me white.

Laruen to Niki - Hey there sailor, new in town?

Laruen
- My English is broken, and it hurts.

Lauren - I love you.
Lauren - What?
Lauren - Your mom.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Jackson vs Jordan

Robert: I can play basketball like Michael Jackson...no...wait...Jordan....

Robert: I'm a Leo, I can be scary. Listen to my mighty male lion roar...Grrrrr.....

Robert, looking into my mirror: Woah...my head is gigantic!

24 Hour Pagan Quote Page

24 Hour Pagan Quote Page

hmm it's late and I'm pondering if I did this right which is ussually the universal no, sorry the night ran long for me, I was wondering if any of hte group could remember the quote worty things... all I've got thus far is a pretty large concensence of us deciding that the main charectors in pirates of the carribean are gay or bi-sexual... and I'm gign to sleep now ^_^

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Soft-Core Chemistry

Leota: Hey....what happened to Bob the Hersey's Kiss?
Jordan:....He went to a better place....
Leota: Cannabalism...well...sort of...wait....

Jordan: Consider yourself warned because you need to...consider yourself poked!
Becca:...I am now officially disturbed...
Jordan: Muhahahahahahaha!
Leota: Nice work.

Jordan, untangling Leota's headphones: You can not see your headphones!
Leota: Sure, I can't see them all knotted...
Jordan, after untangling them: I don't know what you're talking about.
Leota: You know, those invisible knots.
Jordan: Tricky little buggers.

We really can't get through a single class without him saying at least one thing quoteworthy...it's like he's trying.

Aakeroy: This is really a soft-core thing.

Aakeroy: Let's pick on someone in the back...you, the big green shirt.
Guy sitting next to Leota: *looks down at his shirt* Ahhhh...shit!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Speed Raping on Acid

Leota: Well, you never know when you'll run up and down the hall raping everyone.
Chad: Yes, that's true.
Leota: So that's another thing you learn at Mormon Camp, speed raping.
Chad: Well, you know, some of us do have like 20 wives...

Leota: Well, we never used them though, we just used acid.

Leota's mom: If you could airmail it through the computer for me.

Aakeroy: Two are nodding, another is nodding because he is asleep...two out of three isn't bad.

Aakeroy: It IS a bloody buffer!

Chad, to Leota's calculator: What...fuck your syntax error!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Spoonerisms Rock

Barbara: Josh and I are like Chelby and Shad...I mean, Shelby and Chad...

Shelby: What did you say?
Barbara: Is your guinea pig lost?
Shelby: No, your sentence earlier.
Barbara: Your guinea pig is lost.

chad typing poster

Alliance for Understanding of Religious AL
Alliance for Understanding of Religiousa
Alliance for URA
Alliance for Understanding of RELIGIOUS Alternatives
Come join our discussion about death, destiny, and...delouse? Decay? De la sol?

Chemistry shouldn't be this fun.

Aakeroy: I'm going to pick on the same person...wait, no I'm not, your green friend next to you.

Aakeroy: You can drink acid, you can drink base.

Aakeroy: How much time is left...do we have time to role play?
Leota, to Jordan: Oh no, chemistry D&D...

Aakeroy: Okay, I need 4 guys to stand up.
(gets 4 guys)
Aakeroy: Now, how many will it take to neutralize this one guy? One, right, now this part is fitting for tomorrow, you go other there with him and do what you will.

Diplomatic Immunity can be a good thing...

Derek, to Cien: Damnit, maybe I should've had sex with you. Then I wouldn't have gotten my ticket.

Cien: So, is that the mystery burrito?
Derek: As far as I know...

Cien: This means that Brad just sucked Shelby's tit by proxy.

Cien: Brad swallows.

Zack: God, why are all these fags here?

Cien: I kicked the Chopain Nocturn's butt.

Cien: If Shelby had a lid, I would take it off and stir her.

I'll have a medium pizza with extra sex...

Shelby: Dude, your pizza smells like sex.

Chad: Ha! I know how to count my alphabet.

Shelby: There is definitely sex in that pizza.

Niki: I make men scared.

Cien: Obviously, your house doesn't align with the universal rules of Evanescence.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Just, wow.

Aakeroy: We can't do that...damnit!...wait...can I say that in class?
Everyone: Yes...
Aakeroy: Okay, that's good...if I don't mean it next time can I take it back?
Everyone: Sure...
Aakeroy: Excellent.

Leota's Mom: So they're from Greenland, huh?....are they Native Amercians?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I should pay attention...but nah.

Jordan: Ah! I lost my balls!

Jordan: I'm a quote page whore.

Jordan: I'll follow you like a lost puppy dog.
Leota: Yay! I have a puppy!

Aakeroy:...what was the point of it?...I was trying to teach you something...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

She's such a doll

Cien, about the Cabbage Patch doll: Its head doesn't come off!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Day of Funnies

Jordan: Can you ignore a kitty's plea for headphones?
(Jordan draws a sad kitty)

(Zach runs up behind Leota)
Leota: Ah, when gays attack!

And professor funnies

Aakeroy: Does water burn you?
Some guy: When it's hot...

Aakeroy: Water is a schitzophrenic molecule.

Aakeroy: And your purple friend next to you?...

Aakeroy: What's the probability that you'll all by wearing grey shirts next time?