Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Amber Loves the Quote Page

Amber: That's like non-verbal, communication sex with your clothes on.

Amber, to Leota: You made me stall for 20 minutes and I had no idea...

Amber: It irritates me when it gets on top...

Amber: It's so rubbery...

Monday, January 30, 2006

SUPRISE! It's your birthday.

Shelby, to Chad: You're not very good at wandless magic.

Brad, about Shelby: She's going to die of a broken pelvis.

Brad: Two years.
Cien: But the fingering is exactly the same!

Chad and Shelby: SPOOOOON!
Brad: Learn to ask correctly.
Chad and Shelby: SPOON AAAAH!

Shelby: He has a little sword!

Cien: If NSYNC performed naked, I would totally go see them.

Chad: Brad likes doinker.

Cien: Basketball players aren't hot. You can't even see them.
Katie: Because they're invisible.

Shelby: You're having a serious Mormon dillemmity?


Chad: Your dad said the bread would only bake if we were having sex on it.

Sunday, January 29, 2006


Shelby, to Chad: I want a baby, will you give me a baby?

Chad: I'm French, I can say "wee wee." (He meant "oui, oui"...but it's just more funny that way)

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Life is a Videogame

Barbara, to Shelby: You suck at life.
Leota: No she doesn't, she's only had to restart twice.

Class Antics

My professors must have been on something yesterday....


Shah: You are more closely related to your parents than other homosss....(gets distracted)
My lab partner:...I'm hoping he doesn't say what I'm thinking...
My lab partner: Thank...God...

Shah: We do not look like species who are many descendants back from us...do I look like a frog?
(room goes silent)
Some guy: Well...sort of.
Shah:.....................I can jump like a frog!

Chemistry II

Aakeroy: Where's a marker, I need a marker! (stops class to look for one) Oh forget it. (goes on with class) You all look confused...I could explain this better if I had a marker. (reaches in his pocket and takes out a marker) Bloody...

Aakeroy, just after comparing reactions to sex: The size of your catalyst actually does matter!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Rockin' the rock in the dorm room

Jordan: So is Marvin having rock sex with Diana.

Leota: Microwave first; ask questions later.

(on messanger)
Sarah Godar: I don
Sarah Godar: t speak the german

Leota: death by giant slinky

Jordan: sounds like Marvin is becoming a drug

Leota: You never know when you'll build that slinky death machine. . . powered by Marvin.

Jordan: Phys 105: physics with a slinky

Jordan: It's going limp. . . OH GOD!

Jordan: (in a sexy voice to marvin) was it good for you too.

Diana: THUMP!
Marvin (to Diana): THUMP!

Brad: Rock porn

Brad: The Marvin slinky gun

Jordan: I can extenda-poke at any time.

Jordan, to Brad: You can keep your sex drive, I don't want your sex drive.

Leota: That's like a ninja wearing a cowbell.

Jordan: I'm a magic man, I have magic hands.

Brad: I'm going to beat you with my sex drive!

Brad: Apparently my elbow is located. . . My brain is located in my elbow

Leota: Then a lot of little old ladies are hooked on crack.

Leota: Let's make a Marvin bonfire.
Brad: I'll keep that in mind.
Leota: Well, then use it with the Marvin gun...make it a flaming Marvin Gun.

Leota: I'm getting a better and better Idea of what you do for fun

Jordan: I failed to poke myself.

Jordan: Insolent computer

Jordan: Me and Marvin in bed together, just what I want.

Jordan: If I get menanical laughter I won't stop.
Leota: Meniacale

Leota: You guys should both get cameras, stand back to back, take 10 paces. . .

Brad: would you guys stop playing with my sex drive.
Leota: you can have it back
Jordan: so you can play with it

Jordan: I've been violated by marvin.

Leota: I can say my rock is being held against her will
Brad: Raped against her will

Leota: It's my soul, I can do with it as I will....as Brad fondles his rock...

Jordan, to Brad: Once I'm on the bed...NO!

Leota, to Jordan: Where's my rock?...Oh it's under your head isn't it...
(Everyone laughs)

Jordan: Did I just see a camera flash?...that camera is going to hell.

Leota (talking about Diana): It's all warm.
Jordan: could be worse; it could be wet.

Brad(to leota): I think our rocks have a thing
Leota: I'm taking my rock away. I don't want little rocks.

Brad: You are wise to go after my sex drive
Jordan: That sounds like a porn movie.

Brad: (turns on camera)
Jordan: Groans . . . Not again, Oh god not again

Brad: watchout our rocks have diplomatic immunity

Brad: . . .but until then I have rock sex.

Leota: I know Diana stays hot for hours.

Sarah Smells Good.

Sarah: I smell good. Smell me!

Hash Pizza Take Two

Shelby: The light of Jesus guides my way.

Shelby: There's a weird-ass bump on my boob....oh wait it's just a pimple.
(Walks over to Leota in just a bra)
Shelby: See...look!

Leota: ...My balls are touching me.
(A little later)
Leota: Ow...now the balls are in my back.

Leota: I'm going back to my book now, everything makes sense in vampire land.

Leota: But your eyes were bloodshot.
Shelby: Well, they do that when I'm tired.
Leota: But Chad's eyes were red too.
Shelby: Well maybe he inherited it from me...

Shelby: Goodnight.
Leota: Goodnight.
Shelby: ...I almost told you that I loved you...

Shelby: Leota....do you still have the quote page open? I just dreamed about someone getting knuckled.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Hash Pizza and Godly Pepsi

Barbara: I don't comprehend things when I'm asleep.

Shelby: That, AH!


Shelby: I have the gift...I can grow pop.

Leota: I understood that...wait, am I Mormon?

Shelby: It even tastes godly.

Chad (over the course of time): Leota, get me a pen. (Some time later) This one's out, can you get me another? (Some time later) This one's out, too, can you get me another? (Some time later) This one's too fat to write with. Hold on. (Pulls out a pencil from his pocket)
Leota: So then why did I go get pens?
Chad: Because this is a pencil.
Leota: You and your Mormon logic.

Leota: I think I wanna be a Chricamor...or a Wictianmon.

Chad: She looks angry...so do those pancakes.

Leota: What are we on?
Shelby: Hash Pizza.
Chad: (Smoker Hack)

Leota: Maybe they're Commandments Version 2.0.

Shelby: I need another paper.
Chad: Here (Pulls out paper from his pocket).
Leota: You already had paper in your pocket, too?
Shelby (After some time): So can I have the paper?
Chad: No.

Leota: When that kid grows up, that's gonna be his claim to flame.

Chad: So the stegosaurus had a ganglia. It had a brain in its ass.

Shelby: I meant to say "Spout" but "Spigot" was a more fun word.

Shelby: But you could've been reincarnated as a girl...maybe that's why you're a lesbian. (Explanation: Yet more talk about how Leota is Harry Potter reincarnated)

Barbara: I was talking to Josh in the closet.
Chad: Did you ever come out?
Leota: She's sitting right in front of you.
Barbara: Yes...but, no...but...uh...

Barbara: Take it out! Take it out! Please!!! I don't like sharp objects!

Chad: We could do a whole bunch of EEHHHH!!!!!!! (Explanation: Chad was trying to say something while Shelby was giving him the weird-eye look that makes him make funny noises.)

Chad: So you want to be Robin's Egg.
Shelby: Who's Robin and why am I his egg?
Chad: Who says it has to be a him?
Shelby: Who's Robin and why am I her egg?
Chad: Who says it has to be a her?
Shelby:.......Who's Robin and why am I...its egg?

Shelby: So are we going to turn on Jesus tonight for our nightlight?

Chad: Oh shit...I just turned on Jesus.
Leota: You're making Jesus hot, Chad.
(Extra note: Chad decided halfway through to not be white anymore, so I picked the closest thing to fuschia I could find)

Shelby: Are we done being funny yet? Cause I wanna go to bed.

Shelby: Stop thrusting...Dammit, Chad!

Shelby: No, I'm not tired. I'm just yawning for the fuck of it....Dammit! I used the wrong swear word....

Shelby: How do you spell fuschia?
Leota: F-U-S-C-H-I-A
Shelby: Oh, that's why it looked weird. I was forgetting the "H."
Leota:......"Fuck-ya?"....Oh, I was forgetting the "S."

Good Bush, Bad Bush

President Bush, on comparing himself to Abraham Lincoln: "I would never do that; he was a great president."

President Bush: "What's happenin'?"

Some guy: "As a rancher, what's your opinion on Brokeback Mountain?"
President Bush: "I haven't seen it."

President Bush: "A coupla more and then I gotta hop."

President Bush: *fwsssssh*

just worthy of note

not a quote, just worthy of note (post from chad): Shelby's film book is in british

Fun with Jesus

Chad: Hey, that's 3 extra light bulbs at 2,000 hours each meaning 8,000 hours of Jesus fun!

Shelby: While we're here, let's get a light bulb for Jesus.

Shelby: But I don't want Jesus to be my nightlight.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

And She's My Roommate...

Shelby: It's not fair I have more junk then my sister but I can't shake it.

Shelby, to Chad: You see what happens when you break me?!
Leota: You become...a lesbian?

Shelby: Anyway, I have to sleep now, I have to see the president tomorrow.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Fun in Abilene

Cien: Oh look! There's Cassiopeia! Oh Goddammit!!

Cien: My town is a sprawling mass that takes an hour to traverse...
Sarah: ...Therefore making it slow and awkward....in battle!

Friday, January 20, 2006

It's Way Too Late

Shelby: That's tukabubwa....wait, two completely different things.

Chad: Hug ahhh...

Leota, to Chad: It sounds like we have a seceret relationship.
Shelby: Are you fucking Leota?
Chad: That's the fourth time.

Shelby: Maybe that's it...maybe I need to shave his head off.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Chad: Why do my hands smell like tortilla chips?

Shelby: Get your hands out of my crotch.
Chad: But my hands are cold too.
Shelby: Put your hands in your own crotch.

Chad: We were discussing it when I was standing on a bucket.
Shelby: (Confused look) When were you standing on a bucket?

Shelby: You could be Mormon. Ask Chad if you're a Mormon.
Brad: Am I a Mormon, Chad?
Chad: Not yet. You haven't gone to Mormon Camp yet.
Leota: Yeah, you need to learn how to make chain mail first.

Leota: (Referring to one of Chad's ex-girlfriends) So, wait, you used this girl for her grandmother?

This next conversation came from a discussion as to whether or not we grossed people out with our...excursions.
Chad: Well, we keep it PG most of the time.
Shelby: .....more like PG-13.
Chad: Okay, but it's like a "Titanic" PG-13, just barely there.
Shelby: Actually, "Titanic" was barely PG-13 because it should've been R for nudity....We're more like a "Goblet of Fire" PG-13, like it should be PG, but it's PG-13 just in case, kind of thing.

Chad: You're evil.
Leota: Why?
Chad: Because you get me in trouble.
Leota: How do I get you in trouble?
Chad: When I say something, it barely skims past her [Shelby]. But then you cast in a line, reel it in, pull it up, and dangle it in front of her face.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Brad: So you're the anti-crust.

Cien: I tend not to talk to assholes.

Cien: Are you gay?
Chad: No...
Cien: Then duh!

Cien: I forgot I existed.

Chad: The Chinese invented powder, because they didn't love guns.

Brad: The Chinese invented Cien.

Cien: But everyone speaks everything in Switzerland.

Niki: We would have gotten there sooner, but I had problems with my pants.

Cien: I feel like I'm a waste of humanity because I can't hiccup.

Cien: It's kind of like pleaple...

Shelby: Jesus had six glasses of what!?1

Cien: Can we do that? Is it free? I want to be ordained!

Shelby: You flicked my boobie into my eye!

Brad: I just got creamed by Cien.

Chad: She's fantasizing you big, hairy, fat guys.

Cien: You sladder-climber!

Chad: Water aaaah...

Cien: Why do you have to have a passport to go to Canada?
Shelby: Because it's another country.

Cien: Be firm with her.
Shelby: He is firm with me. He was firm with me twice today.
Cien: That's hot.

Sarah: We should go to Minnesota and go to Sex World.

Cien: SEX! I'm enjoying that word tonight.

Shelby, to Chad: He's going to fork you.

Cien: Shelby, do you have your car here? I need to look for my thing in the back seat.

Shelby: I knowing lots of stuff.

Cien: Jeans Not Corsets... Obstetrician.

Settling Catan

Someone: Anyone got wood.
Derik: A little bit.
Derik: (happily) Now I do.

Jordan: I got screwed. (holds up screw)

Brad: I just thought of something. . . me and Leota switching balls

Saturday, January 14, 2006

We Are Such Good Friends!

Amber : Robert will be playing intermural basketball this semester
Amber : is that how you spell it?
Amber : his friends signed him up
Leota: XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the best thing ever! We need to go just to laugh at him!
Leota: Can he even run?....
Amber : I have no clue
Amber : That is a good idea!
Amber : We should go for support >.>
Leota: Yes...support...>.> <.<

Fangirls=Most Dangerous Things on Earth

Jordan and I over Yahoo Messenger.

You have nothing to be scared of...unless your name is Ville Valo...then I might seem a little crazy to you. >.>
Jordan : hahahah
Jordan : only a fan girl, right..
Leota: I suppose, a fan girl who knows she has no chance in hell...but yes, I guess so
Jordan : hahaha
Jordan : still...a fan girl...one of the most dangerous things on the earth..
Jordan : :P
Leota: As long as no one touches the calendar...we'll all be fine.
Jordan : hahaha
Jordan : hmm
Jordan : *edges over to the calendar*
Leota: *gnaws off your arm*
Jordan : [must purge the evil...]
Jordan : AAAAAA!!!
Jordan : *waves a bloody stump around*
Leota: *sews arm back on* Let that be a lesson to you
Jordan : *arm flops uselessly*
Leota: I'm not really that obsessed though......oh and that arm will heal....................eventually... >.>

Lock-In Mayhem

Sarah: Wait, where did my pen go?...oh, I'm holding it.

Leota: Cue hysterical laughter!
(Shelby laughs)
Leota: That never gets old!
Chad: And she's been doing this for an hour...
Sarah, to Chad: Good for you!

Leota, yelling for Shelby: Marco!
Cien: Wait, maybe if I sound like you it'll work. (Immitates Leota's voice) "Cue hysterical laughter!"
(Shelby laughs)
Cien: Found her!

Everyone: Take off your shoes...we're going to have an orgy!

Sarah: That's why I got to grow up as a nature worshipping Christian working at a summer camp going out to campires and watching the sunset................................................................WHAH!

Leota: Ooooo....religious porn.
(Everyone laughs)
Sarah: I really don't see how that's funny.

Sarah: Okay, no more tentacle rape.
Niki: Did I hear tentacle rape?

Derek: The Flying Spaghetti Monster touched me with his noodly appendages.
Brad: In many places many times.

Chad: Thank you, Marvin, god of pool. All hail...WOO!

Cien, singing: Nothing really matters...
Zach: Except for me!

Chad: My pool god is bigger...my pool god can kick your pool god's ass.

Brad: I've hypothesised about making a Marvin gun.

Niki: I thought it said, "I appreciate the girls given to me."
Leota: Well he is Mormon.

Shelby: Shh...Jesus is coming!
Brad: Why did I take that so wrong?

Leota: We should so do extreme yoga. We need an interstate and a car.

Chad: *snores*

Zach: Perlaps....perjaps....perfaps....nevermind.

Zach: But I don't want to be sucked right now...maybe later.

Shelby: Pancake....AH!

Shelby: I keep chewing it for him, but I keep forgetting and swallowing.

Shelby: If it wasn't on Cien's face, I'd so eat it.

Shelby: Fuck the universe!
Derek: That would take a while.

Shelby: Maybe the black hole isn't the penis, maybe the black hole is just the exit from the penis and we're inside the universe's penis.
Chad: Honey, no pun intented, but that was deep.

Shelby: So if the black hole was like the exit from the penis, then the universe would be really fun to have sex with, because all this light would be shooting out of its penis and that would be really cool in the dark.

Niki: Be careful not to stick your foot in the pancake.

Shelby, to Zach: Careful, you're going to step on the pancake.
(Zach jerks his foot back)
Leota: Was it going to bite you?

Shelby, to Chad: You move too much!

Leota: Brad...you look like a drinky-drinky bird right now.

Friday, January 13, 2006

What's Rain?

Shelby: Did it rain while we were in there?
Leota: No, the world is just exceptionally moist today.

Leota: I don't even know how to spell "exceptionally"...
Shelby: E-X-C-E-P-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y
Leota: ....Yeah....you lost me after "E"....

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Annie's New Cell Phone

Shelby: What's your phone number?
Annie: 1683
Annie: 1683
Shelby: What's the area code?
Annie: Oh! 620.
Shelby: And?
Annie: 1683...oh, wait!

Annie: What's your phone number?
Shelby: .........OH, I remember now!

Shelby: I'm going to put your number in my phone now. (Typing) Annie.....What's your last name?

fun with Jesus

Niki: America's Funniest... Talismans.

Cien's pastor Nanette: Well, I think we're ready for Jesus!

Cien's Grandpa: You don't know who Bach is? He wrote Handel's Messiah!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

We Were Saved!

Shelby: guysarmalot? Wait...guysRAMalot.com!

Leota: We could go stand outside the window where Chad is.
Shelby: There is no window.
Leota: Well on the way there we could pick up a saw and make one.
Shelby: He's working construction so there's no wall either.
Leota: We could pick up a window and hold it.

Shelby: ....Wait, this isn't a mouse!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Redneck Resolutions!

Daniel and I had way too much fun with these!
Note: All of these were said in a psuedo southern accent.

Daniel: I promise to never park my truck on the front porch again.

Daniel: I promise to never be alone with my cousin and a bottle of whiskey again.

Leota: I promise to stop picking up chicks at the family reunion.

Daniel: I promise to get rid of the 25 rusted trucks in my front yard.

Leota: I promise to never let my dog drive my truck again.

Messenger Mischief

Amber: so if I am nice to a guy, then karma would hit on me??
Leota: Sure, that's how it works
Amber: yay!
Leota: Wow, we just proved that flirting with a guy brings good karma
Amber: :O!
Amber: we are awesome
Leota: We must spread the word...now all we need is a bar and a few hot guys. Maybe by tomorrow karma could make us millionaires!
Amber: :O!
Amber: It could!
Amber: it is going in my quotes >.>
Leota: It's going in AURA's too! XD
Amber: LOL! yay!


Beth: What time are we leaving?
Sarah: 2 3 whore.
Beth: What was that again?
Sarah: 2 3 4.
Beth: That's not what the last digit sounded like the first time.

You killed me with... cupcake!

Sarah: The federal government has instituted a new program where they screen everyone before the movie... with pickles...

Beth: I want juice. Juice juice juice. Not nose juice!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Fun Games

Here's a fun game! Replace as many words as you can in movie titles with the word Vagina.

Ex: Vagina and the Beast
Dude, Where's my Vagina
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's Our First Vagina
The Thin Red Vagina
My Big Fat Greek Vagina

Everyone join in! Happy New Year! :D